Recently I sought o have a topic on which to do my season rankings article. Wondering what the league mgiht like to see I took to Discord and received....interesting replies. So I decided to rank them instead.
Without further ado, let's make this thing happen. Bitches.
Teams you want to play for should you hit free agency. Plus their current records.
The obvious last place among the three suggestions I got. This one requires the most work honestly. Plus, this sound suspiciously like a way to gage team interest not for the player it's inferred to be about (Suspicious Dave) but rather for Trustworthy Dan, my Senior LB form Alabama who is coming out in the upcoming draft and is currently sitting at 296 TPE (3012 after this article). I see your game sir. I see it and I grade it accordingly. Third place. Plus, implying that I intend to leave the Brigade in free agency isn't really keeping up with the goings on of the league. I'll let you figure that out if you're confused. If you can't..well...see above gif for clarity.
Ranking the letters in KGR
Solid suggestion. It's flexible in the ways I could execute it. There's a plethora of comedic value in mounting a serious examination of the individual worth of specific letters in comparison to one another. A sort of dry, drawn out humor where I can ramp up the ridiculousness as I go along. I could also judge them by look, mouthfeel, amount of usage in important words like profanity, or by how each letter would do in a free for all letter brawl. The options are really varied. Thus, second place. It might have even gotten first if not for the best of all suggestions.
Gatorade colors that will never be dumped on Lattimore as he never wins a championship
The clear cut favorite of the group. The one the got the most attention too in the form of emoji reactions, which as we all know are legally binding. For those who don't know Latt and I have developed something of a playful rivalry. He sees me as I rival and I play full seasons for other teams that aren't his.
When he sent me his scouting for Trustworthy Dan it was headed "MR BACKSTABBING MOTHERFUCKER". When the Brigade beat the crap out of the Kraken a few days later I sent him back a response message with the box score. This is funnier if you know that thing I hinted at in the #3 breakdown.
So with all that background, it's a suggestion that has a lot of ways I could go and jokes I could use to mock the Kraken and Latt and never winning a title in the EFL, by combining or flat out renaming colors and flavors to fit the theme. "Last Place Lemon Lime" for example could be such a name. Or "You Did Your Best Orange". There would be tons of opportunities to slip in pro-Brigade propaganda and subtle references to the fact that I've actually lived in both states during my lifetime and thus have some experience with their actual respective cultures. If you go back and read my articles (like you needed an excuse) you'll find that pops up here and there on a number of topics. And of course, as I said, razzing Latt is the best part of this and the main reason this suggestion is the clear cut no questions asked top suggestion for a ranking list that I received. Which is exciting for both of us, as it actually makes Latt #1 at something. Other than wearing the shit out of a bow tie, where he excels.
And there you have it. This season's article, and the real people's champion ranking article, despite what snobbish articles that rank ranking articles might say. Special shout outs to @LattimoreIsland @KGR @AndrewWarren13 and @Turner for their help in this matter.