Bubba & Kirbarquevious' Hight School Encounter
Bubba Duckett had always hated redneck Arkansas with its small, gooey swamps. It was a place where he felt lonely. He was a proud, snooty, Bud Light drinker with handsome toes and sloppy fingers. His friends saw him as an average, adventurous angel. Once, he had even saved a thoughtless old lady that was stuck in a drain. That's the sort of man he was. He was nothing short of a, true, white, rich, spoiled American Hero.
Bubba walked over to the window and reflected on his MERICA surroundings. The sun shone like bouncing hamsters. Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Kirbarquevious Higgs. Kirbarquevious was a giant man with pointy toes and charming fingers – the best qualities for a football player. Bubba gulped. He was not prepared for Kirbarquevious.
As Bubba stepped outside and Kirbarquevious came closer, he could see the energetic glint in his eye. "I am here because I want a wifi code," Kirbarquevious bellowed, in an admirable tone. He slammed his fist against Bubba's chest, with the force of 9560 badgers. "I frigging hate you, Bubba Duckett." Bubba looked back, even more sleepy and still fingering the ribbed hat. "Kirbarquevious, I ate your puppy," he replied.
They looked at each other with sad feelings, like two grim, grotesque gerbils partying at a very callous THE ULTIMATE HS FOOTBALL SHOWDOWN, which had banjo music playing in the background and two caring uncles laughing to the beat. Bubba studied Kirbarquevious's pointy toes and charming fingers. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you a wifi code," he explained, in pitying tones. Kirbarquevious looked surprised, his body raw like a breakable, bumpy banana. Bubba could actually hear Kirbarquevious's body shatter into 6478 pieces. Then the hopeful animal hurried away into the distance.
Not even a drink of Bud Light would calm Bubba's nerves tonight. The two separated ways. Played their short High School football careers. Never did they think they would meet again. Now they will be teammates one of this season’s potential best NCAA squads: LSU.
Word Count: 351