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Last season in my preseason rankings, I wrote that every Eastern Conference team would beat every Western Conference team. But after I wrote that, I started to second-guess myself. Sure, that’s what it seemed like on paper, but is the EFL really that straightforward? Do I really think that absolutely no Western Conference teams will come out surprising? Well, turns out I had a reason to be skeptical - in the regular season at least. The worst team in the East finished at 8-6, while the best team in the West finished at 5-9. Until a playoffs that had Toronto fans wondering why God has forsaken them, things were really going to form. My S38 Predictions (Final standings) 1. New York Herd (1) 2. Miami Neptune (3) 3. Wisconsin Brigade (4) 4. Toronto Skyhawks (2) 5. San Francisco Frenzy (5) 6. Minnesota Frontier (T-6) 7. Los Angeles Reign (8) 8. Seattle Predators (T-6) The good news is, I don’t think this season will be as stratified between the conferences. The Reign in particular are making a concerted effort to win right away, the Predators are looking to make an offensive leap as Pratts, Hartless and Hol’This enter their second seasons, and the Frenzy may be looking to follow up their surprising title with a back-to-back shocker. Yes, the East is still stronger as you’ll see below. And yes, the past couple of postseasons have proven that anything is possible. But here’s my thoughts as we enter another season of EFL fun. 8. Minnesota Frontier: We’re officially in the early stages of rebuild territory in Minnesota. Granted, this isn’t a total teardown like we’ve seen in L.A. in recent seasons. Lunatia is sneakily one of the most talented QBs in the league in his sixth season, RB Bumper could receive a big haul if he were put on the trade block, and Malinpa is a linebacker capable of anchoring a defense. But with no other players on defense above 400 APE as of this writing (and just inactive SS Macaroni Salad above filler status), it’s going to be near impossible for even a talented offense to keep up. Now with two firsts for next draft after trading for New York’s, I believe there’s recognition in Minnesota too that trying to sneak into the playoffs in a weaker West isn’t a sustainable recipe for success. 7. San Francisco Frenzy: So much of the EFL depends on the QB position, no matter how much talent there is on the rest of the roster. Toronto learned that the hard way over a number of seasons since their inception. It might have been what kept Miami out of the playoffs last season. And as L.A. and others have shown recently, throwing a rookie into the fire usually doesn’t end well. Sure, the Frenzy defense is serviceable, with long-time stalwarts Moon and Ivanov combining with Makaratt and Backer for a solid base. But there’s going to be some growing pains for rookie QB Killian Rose, especially with second-year Sherman Moss really his only option to throw to. If the Frontier and Frenzy were to combine rosters it’d be a great team, but separately, I don’t see the All Defense route going well in San Francisco. 6. Seattle Predators: This team is going to get there. I really like their long-term prospects, taking a similar trajectory to what New York did about five seasons ago and letting a young offensive core grow together while a more veteran defense holds things down in the meantime. Hartless to Hol’This has the potential to be the EFL’s next great passing duo, and the addition of Gabrijela Kazimira in the draft gives the offense so much flexibility. LB Pratt is young enough to still be around when this team gets good as well, and I wouldn’t sleep on Maple Dogwood as a potential CBotY in the future. I wouldn’t expect a deep run or even a .500 record, but making the playoffs in a weaker West would be a nice stepping stone to being a true contender in two seasons or so. 5. Wisconsin Brigade: Welcome once again to the Eastern Conference bloodbath, as we make a major jump in team depth between the bottom three and the top five. We begin in Wisconsin, who finished fourth in the EFL but also in the East last season. I think it could happen again. This is going to look like a much different team than the one helmed by Captain Cutthroat the past two seasons, but the signing of sixth-season D'Quan Gilbert to pair with Jean Luc Pikachu should give Dogwood Maple some confidence to really take the helm this year. As always, lifelong Wisconsin linebacker Yalla the Biter is the most talented player in the EFL as well. But the issue is, I just named every Wisconsin player (four of them) above 600 APE, including just the one on defense. The depth over top-end talent route can get you so far, and the team’s coaching staff is great at gameplanning. But in the East, I think jumping two teams for the playoffs is a tall order. 4. Los Angeles Reign: I know this is a large jump for a team that has finished last for multiple seasons in a row. Last year they were expected to take a mini leap, but still only finished with 2 wins. This year though, they’ve committed to going all in, bringing in WR Joshua Jones from Miami, WR Kyree Firpo Jr. from San Francisco, CB Dalibor Dvorsky from Minnesota, and linebacker Bo Cardoza from the draft to bolster units that were already growing well after multiple years of high draft picks. QB Rex Rider will be a popular pick to take an Isaac-like leap this season, especially with three receiving targets above 600 APE (including second-year Big Chest Brown), and while defensive players like Stetson David and Jedi Battlesmoke are still young, they’re talented. With all of that said - there’s nobody on this team above 800 APE as of this writing. There’s a lot of depth, and a lot of future high-end talent, which should be enough to win the West. But I’m not sure it’s enough to compete with the top East teams record-wise until that talent grows into themselves in another season or two. 3. New York Herd: New York was my top team each of the past two seasons, and I fully expected to have them first once again when I started writing. But then I started looking a little bit closer at this squad, and I have some questions. Sure, Alexander Chase Everett is still here, not having lost too much in his first season of regression. But his top three receivers last year were D’Quan Gilbert (now in Wisconsin), Nsikayesizwe Kolisi (now in Minnesota), and Count Olaf (at 262 APE in year 13?!?). You’re asking a lot of Dan Wilinsky III, likely to play full-time WR this year, and TE Ragnar Jarvinen to pick up that slack. Meanwhile, while Cillín Mac Suibhne and Isaac Martin II provide a strong backbone to a secondary, Snicket and Thomas are now both below 450 APE in their 13th and 11th season, respectively. And both are above the most talented linebacker, El Shrektabuzz who will be asked to do a lot in his second season. I view them similar to Wisconsin right now - a lot of really good talent, but I’m not sure it equals a really good team in the way they were the last couple of years. 2. Miami Neptune: I considered putting Miami below New York, partially as a “prove it” mentality and partially because I don’t like to hype my own teams. But taking an objective view, there’s a lot of talent here. This team is actually a bit similar to Toronto in that the defense should be exceptionally strong, with a few questions on offense. Adding first overall pick Raaja Rayu to a secondary that already included the last two CBotYs in Brian Meatball and Sherrick Newsome III seems like an embarrassment of riches, and Beretta Colt and Donovan Snark may be the best 1-2 LB combo in the EFL. Similar to last season, there will be a lot of questions around the passing attack - this time surrounding second-year QB Brian Harper, taking over as the starter for the first time. But free agent signing of now-perennial RBotY Captain Cutthroat should temper a number of those concerns, and I’d expect a heavy dose of the run game in a season where Harper and fourth-year receiver Amelia Michigan continue to grow. A ground-and-pound game may not be in vogue with the current EFL meta, but I could see it being effective with this Miami team. 1. Toronto Skyhawks: They could have won it all last season, and some would argue probably should have won. And there’s a good reason for that: This very well may be the best defense in the league. LB Bones Kentucky and defensive backs DeShaun Taylor and Kostas Ioannidis are now in their optimal seventh season; hybrid LB/safety Warren Grey is in his sixth. The defense has been growing to this moment for years, and there aren’t too many holes to exploit, especially with second-year safety Frau Bonk involved. This was an offense that heavily relied on QB Martin Isaac II and the receiving duo of Curtis Taylor and Dusty Wilson to make any headway last season. Isaac is still as good as ever, but I’m slightly worried about Taylor’s age finally catching up to him and Wilson’s growth in now his third season. If the game against a New York is turning into a track meet, there may be some issues. Still, if the main concern is an MVP candidate having an average receiving corps to throw to rather than exceptional, that says something about the team’s chances to finally get off the championship snide.

@omgitshim 10 TPE @Spartan 8 TPE @CrookedAnt 8 TPE @oilmandan 8 TPE @McWolf 8 TPE @Renomitsu 7 TPE @Cornholio 6 TPE @Jetsqb101 6 TPE @CowboyinAmerica 6 TPE @PigSnout 6 TPE @UZI® 6 TPE @Trifecta 5 TPE @Youngbuck 5 TPE @pifferfish 2 TPE @124715 1 TPE @SnapTackleDrop 1 TPE @jacobcarson877 1 TPE

ON THE CLOCK NOW... WAIT WHAT'S THIS? A TRADE?

We're 3 games into the 39th season of the EFL and we've seen some interesting things pop out already! We'll go team-by-team and share some early-season narratives and how each respective teams can continue their strong start or turn the ship around before it's too late. Let's get down to business! Current Record: 2-1 (W-2) After stumbling out of the starting gate with an ugly 35-9 loss to Miami -- Los Angeles has actually rebounded nicely over the last two weeks in conference play, defeating Seattle 31-27 at home and followed up with a 29-24 nailbiting win over Minnesota on the road. The Good: It's clear and apparent that Los Angeles is in the driver's seat in the Western Conference at the moment. Led by quarterback Rex Rider and his upgraded collection of receiving weapons (tight end Jimmy Hexadecimals, wide receiver Joshua Jones & Kyree Firpo, Jr.) has helped second-year receiver Big Chest Brown and their trio of running backs move the ball more effectively. The Bad: Their team defenisve metrics. Through the first two games, the Reign's defense gave up yards and points in chunks despite adding CB Dalibor Dvorsky, J. King from Minnesota and Miami respectively, as well as linebacker Bo Cardoza through the Draft. While they improved on those statistic rankings following the Frontier game (only giving up 324 total yards) -- this defense definitely needs to get better. The nice thing? They have a whole season and seven remaining games against the Eastern Conference teams to figure out the ideal defensive gameplan. What's Next?: As long as LA is able to win out (or at least 4-5) of their Western Conference games, they should be a safe lock for the playoffs and quite possibly home-field advantage. The next two games will be uphill climbs against New York and Wisconsin, so it will be a good litmus test of how far this team has to come (and still has to go yet). Current Record: 1-2 After missing out on the playoffs last season, it was clear and apparent that MIami was not going to allow this to happen again for the second season in a row. They made an aggressive move in the Draft, trading up to take Raaja Rayu #1 overall in the Rookie Draft and stole running back Captain Cutthroat from Wisconsin. The Good: Miami took care of business in Week 1 even though second-year quarterback Brian Harper was inserted into the QB1 slot for the first time. Trigger Colt is still around, but he's no longer the dynamic triple-crown threat he once was. Captain Cutthroat was a huge addition to the roster to help stabilize this offense - running for over 100 yards all three games to date. The defensive firepower on this roster is amazing with linebackers Donovan Snark, Beretta Colt and Leonard Goncalves backed up by Sherrick Newsome III, Brian Meatball, Lamar King, Rayu and Inactive Heisman Winner. The Bad: The offense seems out of whack. They didn't score a single point in a game (first in a pretty damn long time) in Week 2 and followed up on that with a 38-10 lackluster game against Toronto at home. Even though the defense intercepted Toronto's dynamic quarterback Martin Isaac three times in the aforementioned game - it didn't translate to much on offense. What's Next?: There are immediate questions as to whether or not Harper is really up to the job and if they aren't using Cutthroat enough. Fortunately for Miami, they have a two-game Western stretch against Seattle and Miami to figure things out before a critical Week 6 clash on the road at Wisconsin which will really determine where Miami is on the Eastern pecking order. Current Record: 1-2 While Minnesota didn't experience yet another talent drain the past offseason - they still lost a valuable player in cornerback Dalibor Dvorsky, another blow to a team that were only a few seasons removed from an EFL Championship, yet lost nearly all of their core players to free agency. But they were able to acquire wide receiver N. Kolisi through a trade with New York to help their prime-age quarterback Michael Lunatia out while balancing their patented ground 'n pound attack. In the Western Conference though, anything is possible! The Good: The Frontier's offense surprisingly enough ranks second in the league in scoring with a 25.0 PPG through three games -- their rushing attack ranks second in the league with a 135.7 YPG. The passing attack has had some success moving the chains as Lunatia ranks in the middle of the pack. Their middle linebacker Timothy Malinpa is the unquestioned leader of the defense and his linebacking corps has actually been solid at stopping the run to date. The Bad: Lunatia has already thrown 7 interceptions to date (3 more than the next quarterback) through 3 games j- which is a cause for concern. Kolisi and Glik can only do so much - but Lunatia will need to take better care of the ball. But that may be minor compared to what the Frontier's secondary has done - this unit is currently getting ripped to the tune of 364 passing yards/game and the Frontier's given up the most points to date. What's Next?: This was largely expected out of the roster considering they're starting two BOTs at both safety positions. They have some big games coming up against Wisconsin (2x), Miami, Seattle and then New York over then next five weeks. If Frontier can at least scrap 2+ wins over this stretch, it would go a long way toward maintaining their postseason hopes with a West-heavy final stretch to close out the year. Current Record: 1-2 One could present a discussion that New York may have unfortunately gotten hit the most this past offseason. After falling painstakingly short of perfection in the regular season as well as at home against Toronto in the Eastern Conference Championship game -- the Herd traded WR N. Kolisi away to Minnesota in order to create cap space, then lost out on S38 WRotY D'Quan Gilbert to Wisconsin. In a competitive Eastern Conference where wins don't come easily - it was going to be interesting to see how New York recovered from these setbacks for S39. The Good: Their defense is still scary good. The Herd allowed the least points through three games on the strength of their secondary (Isaac Martin II, Lemony Snicket, veteran free agent signee Thomas Thomas, Cilin Mac Suibhne, William Groves). The linebackers aren't too bad either with youngster El Shrektabuzz flying around with Jonas Ivanov and Justa Backer covering space. The Herd even shut out Miami 17-0 in Week 2, so the defense is capable of winning games. The Bad: New York definitely sold out on molding their offense around Gilbert this year and after missing out on this, their offense has struggled to adjust. After flying high last year, they rank dead last in scoring offense and two-time reigining MVP Alexander Chase Everett has thrown just as many interceptions as passing touchdowns (3) this year. It's that bad when a filler (Jack Anjill) is leading the team in receiving. What's Next?: Dan Wilinsky III seems to have phased into a more traditional RB1 role this year, picking up 2 rushing TDs over the last two games. Perhaps New York might be starting to pick up their stride - they're simply too good at QB/RB to struggle this badly for long. But as the past years have shown, the top teams in the Eastern Conference has a habit of quickly building up wins to build up a cushion - New York's margin for error right now is probably close to zero at the moment. Current Record: 0-3 After a surprise run to the EFL Championship in S38... San Francisco opted to go for a rookie quarterback through the Draft in Killian Rose of Athens - which often means a hard-rebuild in the EFL. There are promising pieces for Rose to pass to in second-year wideout Santana Moss & rookie Samuel Sellers. However, the defense is practically empty outside of veteran cornerbacks Kara Moon and Alvin Makaratt - which means that San Francisco is probably in for a long year. The Good: San Francisco battled Minnesota to a 3-point loss in Week 2, and as recent year trends have indicated in the EFL -- you don't need much to win games in the Western Conference. Although San Francisco could use a little more this year... but they do have the basic foundations of a solid offense in place with a few more pieces that'll need to be added over subsequent drafts and possibly free agency if things fall in place. The Bad: A rebuild takes several years to complete - and when at least two other teams in the same conference as you are slightly ahead in their rebuilding timeline... things get a bit harder. The defense has been shredded to the tune of nearly 175 rushing yards/game - so this unit isn't getting enough stops to give the Frenzy offense a chance to win games. What's Next?: The only thing that I can really note here is IF San Francisco will have a chance to win a game this year? Another thing to add here is how much Xander Farmer really has left in the tank as he's gotten off to a slow start padding another season's worth of KR/PR yards to his all-time records. Current Record: 2-1 Wait, Seattle is good? They might've finally returned onto the scene, only three seasons removed from their most recent EFL Championship in S36. After several Drafts reloading the roster - Seattle finally has some resemblance of a completed roster. The Good: Seattle is KING by far in the ground game. Their two-headed rushing attack of Anthony Pratts and Gabrijella Kazimira currently ranks first and fourth in the league in rushing yards - ironically, when you think of a ground-and-pound game - you think they'd own the time of possession too. In fact, Seattle has lost the time of possession in all three games to date - which may mean they're moving their offensive pieces at a quick pace. Quarterback Maurice Hartless has been mostly efficient when he's been asked to pass - throwing for 5 TDs versus 2 INTs. The Bad: There isn't much to lament here other than the pedestrian passing offense (byproduct of a superior running game) -- although their young secondary could be an Achilles' for the team. They currently field five cornerbacks who all have decent speed, but nothing else to keep up with the receivers - so that is an area that could easily be exploited by a pass-heavy team. What's Next?: The formula for success is clearly there in Seattle. They came up short in a four-point loss to Los Angeles in Week 2. But if Seattle is able to take care of business in the West and steal a couple of games from the East -- there's no reason why you would be amiss if you predicted Seattle to win the Western Conference and make a return trip to the title game. Current Record: 3-0 It's officially Toronto time in the EFL. After breaking out last year to a surprise EFL Championship game trip -- Toronto has taken care of business through 3 games - disposing of Minnesota, Wisconsin and Miami. Spearheaded by arguably the frontrunner for the MVP this season, quarterback Martin Isaac II as well as Warren Grey, Bones Kentucky and Deshaun Taylor on defense -- the Skyhawks are flying high. The Good: The offense. The Skyhawks' attack currently ranks first in scoring offense, total yards and passing yards by a significant margin over the next closest competitor. The defense also happens to rank first in total yards and passing yards allowed. Wide receiver Curtis Taylor doesn't appear to have slowed down a bit despite regression and cornerback Kostas Ioannidis has gotten off to a hot start with 3 INTs/8 PDs in a loaded secondary. The Bad: Quarterback Martin Isaac II threw 3 interceptions against Miami in Week 3, so he isn't completely immortal. The only potential downfall to Toronto is if their top-2 receivers gets capped out early in the game although the supporting cast isn't bad either. That's... pretty much about it. What's Next?: Toronto is the next frontrunner to aim for an undefeated season - after taking care of Wisconsin and Miami, they've got a good shot. Bank on this team winning it all, but don't tell Lefty that. Current Record: 2-1 Wisconsin somehow just continues to fight and reload. They bid farewell to one of the last few remaining piece of their championship core in linebacker Ahhh Specriggivi, but actually got better in the secondary with the addition of cornerback Stanley Yelnats IV. Wisconsin reformatted their offense in a big way with the loss of two-time RBotY Captain Cutthroat, but replaced him with the deep-water free agency signing of D'Quan Gilbert. The Good: Fourth-year QB Dogwood Maple is ready to throw the ball once again and he's done so nicely the first three games of the season, averaging over 300 yards and 6 TD/2 INTs to Gilbert, Jean-Luc Pikachu and the team's leading receiver, Wandon Rolanin. The defense has held up quite well, holding Toronto to just 26 points in Week 2 on the road. The Bad: The rushing offense doesn't seem to be utilized to its full potential even though Duke Dyer is averaging 4.9 YPC. The defense appears to be more of a bend-but-don't-break scheme as they're still allowing a good amount of yards. What's Next?: If they can turn more of those FGs into TDs, Wisconsin might give Toronto a run for their money in the East. The next five games will be a good test of Wisconsin's playoff odds with two games against Minnesota, one game against LA, Miami and Seattle.

Hello everyone, today we are ranking cities in Wisconsin, that do not in fact belong in Wisconsin. Since I play for the Wisconsin Brigade, and do not reside in Wisconsin I am in fact an expert on what does and does not belong in Wisconsin. Berlin This one should be pretty obvious. Other cities in Wisconsin got a pass by throwing “New” at the front or “City” afterwards. I almost threw on New London and Buffalo City, but neither of those were as egregious as Berlin. This is most obviously not Berlin, because Berlin isn’t in Wisconsin. I won’t count it in my word count, since it technically isn’t original (although it came from my brain in July 2022), I wasn’t even convinced Wisconsin was real until I started playing for them. But saying that’s where Berlin is? Too far. Montreal Alright this is another one that they simply stole a random city from another country despite it obviously not belonging there. But at least there’s a bunch of random French sounding cities supposedly in Wisconsin so I put it in second here. I could think of a lot of better, non-French cities to steal, so this is still pretty bad in my books. Columbus This one isn’t from another country, but the audacity of the Cheeseheads to steal from the only thing lower than them, Ohio. They tried to steal the only thing Ohio had going for them, and that “going for them” wasn’t even going all that hard. There’s a reason the internet has become obsessed with hating on Ohio, so why would anyone willingly bring that upon themselves. I suppose it was a low bar, but how did you fail to beat the expectations set out by Ohio? Glendale This is a similar case to Columbus, but I do have a small amount of pity for Arizona at least. I know how hard they (the NHL) has tried to get them to be a profitable sports city, and state as a whole, but there is simply too much desert. But what was Wisconsin trying to even steal here? What are the similarities here between desert hellscape and a dairy farm? I just don’t get it, and that’s why it’s bad. Hartford Hartford certainly isn’t one of my favourite cities but I can at least see why you’d want to emulate some of its vibes. Mid-sized metropolitan area, preppy and rich vibes. It certainly could’ve worked for somebody, but not Wisconsin. Not Hartford’s fault at all so I won’t punish them too hard. Plymouth I originally picked out 9 cities, and then wanted a nice even 10, and then I saw Plymouth and forgot where it was but knew something was fishy with it. Now I can give Wisconsin a bit of a break here as Plymouth was where a lot of colonists left Britain to come to America, so despite colonialism as a whole, it made sense that some old dude would name it that. One thing to note is that Plymouth in Massachusetts is a twin city with Plymouth in the UK, so its not even the best Plymouth in the United States. Niagara I originally put this after Burlington, but it is definitely worse. You think Niagara, and you think of the Falls, or the River or wine or something. What does Wisconsin have to deserve such a title? I do suppose Niagara wine could pair nicely with Niagara cheese with this arrangement, so there could be some positives but generally, why? It just doesn’t make sense. Burlington This is a personal attack for me, knowing how gross the real Burlington is in Ontario. I suppose at one point it was probably a cool place, but with the sprawl from Toronto it has become truly unliveable. They are somewhat my closest train station though, and trains are super cool so a few bonus points here. Wisconsin probably couldn’t predict the urban development of Ontario so I guess I can’t blame them. Waterloo Waterloo was kind of everywhere so it makes sense there is a Waterloo in Wisconsin, but I can’t believe they couldn’t come up with 1 more original city name. Especially for a city of like 3500 people. You name your flagship cities the boring names, like how every city seems to have a “Main Street” or “King Street” or something. Lame and boring. Augusta Okay I really only picked this because Augusta is a cool name. I know nothing about Augusta, or Georgia as a whole really. But again to pick a cool city name for a city of 1500 should be a sin. And for bonus content, here is my list of states on the axes of real to not real, and Canada to not Canada: real, canada NY NJ minnesota oregon washington pennsylvania michigan massachusetts D.C real, not canada california texas alabama florida colorado arizona the carolinas georgia new mexico hawaii not real, canada alaska montana idaho the dakotas wisconsin maine new hampshire vermont rhode island conneticut ohio delaware maryland not real, not canada indiana illinois missouri iowa nebraska wyoming utah nevada kansas kentucky the virginias mississipi louisiana oklahoma

Happy New Year everyone. Hopefully you all had some good family time. The plan for this week is the draft on Thursday, and awards Friday and Saturday. Hopefully with a HOF presentation as well. Then the season moves on as regular next week. Couple management changes have been required heading into the season. @Lemorse7 will be taking back over in Manchester and @Adrest245 will be taking over Savage City. Thank you to @Youngbuck and @CrookedAnt for their work as ADs So please join me in welcoming back both of these members to the ADing ranks

TRENTON HYPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE @Z16 @jacobcarson877 @pifferfish @DontCallMeCarson @Schwein @Underclass_Hero @Starchychaff @BeastTakeover

No disrespect to the Sky Hawks, I'm a firm believer that Toronto winning is a huge fluke and robs the Herd of truly accomplishing what they're capable of. I've spent the last few weeks in pure disbelief and it just doesn't make sense to me. I've spent the entire regular season watching the Herd play great football it's just not fair. If the Herd lose again I will face that the Sky Hawks deserved the win, but I am just 100% sure it was a fluke and does a big disservice to the Herd and the EFL. -- Actually though, this rankings is going to be a lesson in visual graphs. I created 3 graphs of stats that I wanted to track through the course of Season 38's regular season and playoffs for the New York Herd, and I will be ranking these three graphs based on how much they annoy me when I look at them. We will be using a system where the 3rd option is the least annoying of all three, and the 1st is the most. 2nd will, of course, remain 2nd. There is no 4th. Ranking of Graphs that Annoy Me When I Look At Them #3 #2 #1

WITH THE ELEVENTH OVERALL PICK IN THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, NEW YORK SELECTS...

BOY! Congrats

But like... Which player got the interception?

9:14 1st and 10 LA - 19 Rush by DeMelton, A. for 6 yds. Tackle by Ivanov, J.. 8:47 1st and 10 LA - 40 Herd Penalty on BOT169, B.: Facemask. 8:25 1st and 10 LA - 40 Pass by Rider, R., to Brown, B.. INTERCEPTION by Mac Suibhne, C. at the LA - 43 yard line and returned for -3 yards. Last season's defensive player of the season Mac Suibhne forces the interception, as he is enjoying another wonderful season in New York! 8:03 1st and 10 LA - 46 Rush by Uchiyamada, H. for a short gain. Tackle by BOT149, B.. 7:43 2nd and 10 LA - 46 Pass by Everett, A., complete to Hamilton, A. for 6 yds. Tackle by Dvorsky, D.. 6:58 3rd and 4 LA - 40 Pass by Everett, A., complete to Jackson, D. for 5 yds. Tackle by Battlesmoke, J.. 6:17 1st and 10 LA - 35 Pass by Everett, A. to Uchiyamada, H. was dropped! Incomplete. 6:12 2nd and 10 LA - 35 Pass by Everett, A., complete to Uchiyamada, H. for 8 yds. Tackle by David, S.. 5:18 3rd and 2 LA - 27 Everett, A. SACKED by Bo Cardoza - LB for -6 yds. Cardoza sacks Everett on 3rd and 2! That ought to send out the field goal unit, except that New York is run by a mad man apparently... Offense is staying on the field for 4th and 8! 4:36 4th and 8 LA - 33 Pass by Everett, A., complete to Wilinsky III, D. for 33 yds. 3:45 TOUCHDOWN! (Wolfe kick good) Everett finds Wilinsky III! The gamble seemed tremendously risky, but it pays off in huge dividends for New York who now hold an 11-point lead rather than giving up the ball at the LA 33. Boldness is certainly being rewarded so far today! Q3 3:45 24 13

stupid sim

Spiciest Trades of the S38-39 Offseason 5) MIA/SFF San Francisco traded a Season 40… uh… fourth rounder for Jack Anjill, a sixth-year filler Wide Receiver from MMFLEX. Not a lot to talk about here, the spice meter is basically empty. Jack becomes a part of a later trade involving New York as noted in trade *** above. Scovilles: Is it possible to go into the negatives for Scovilles? I mean this in the sense that it cancels out other spicy tastes if you were to eat some more hot sauce. No? Whatever. 4) SFF/LA Well, as you saw at #5, Jack Anjill just gets thrown around the league like a rag doll. This one involves a third rounder, this time going waaaaaaaay into the future to Season 41. Is it technically more than San Francisco traded to get Anjill? Sure, but usually by the third round you’re pretty deep into the filler pool, so… Scovilles: like, 0? C’mon man. 3) LA/SFF Los Angeles and San Francisco were pretty busy this offseason, huh? At just about the same time LA and San Fran were putting together the Jack Anjill exchange, they also had a massive exchange of “eh” resources for a single excellent player. Indeed, Kyree Firpo Jr. makes his way to LA with this trade in exchange for WR Stuart Horns (184 TPE), SS Huey Newton (182 TPE), TE Big Dog Tonyan (168 TPE), and two 2nd round selections in S41. To be honest with you, this one’s a pretty clear and obvious win for Los Angeles – they get a usable player and get to pawn off filler salary. I don’t anticipate the New York and LA second round picks to be worth much of anything in a couple of seasons even with the Herd’s considerable continued regression given their older player base. Could it maybe net then an active? Sure I guess. Scovilles: 450 SHU, equivalent of Frank’s Red Hot. It’s a hot sauce that’s not so overwhelming that it takes away from the rest of the taste of your wings or whatever else you’re throwing it on. 2) MIA/LA The Miami Neptune send away Youngbuck’s WR Joshua Jones in exchange for two pristine first round picks. Jones, a highly sought-after asset, is just in his fourth season and has nearly eclipsed 700 TPE at the time of writing. More relevantly, he’s still doing Affiliate PT updates and is clearly valued by Los Angeles manager Adrest245 in what could be the tipping point for the Western Conference. Indeed, in examining the average TPE and totals for each team, Los Angeles became the #3 team by total TPE, and Jones’ 676 certainly helps raise their average; it’s #1 in the West at 493.21, though admittedly compared to the entirety of the East it’s not a tremendous amount. Joshua’s addition is desperately needed as Adrest’s own QB, Rex Rider, starts to come into his own as a 641 TPE third year QB and deep threat Kyree Firpo Jr. starts to regress. Both Big Chest Brown and Jones have a chance to grow with Rider during his career – and frankly that’s probably the reason why this trade was made. I have a sneaking suspicion that LA expects to be atop the league in a couple of seasons, when their Season 40 first rounder would be most relevant. Since Miami’s always going to be relevant, the Reign are hoping Miami’s two picks received are going to be in the bottom half of the first round. Might be a bit of an awkward retrospective if it isn’t. Scovilles: 8,000 SHU, the equivalent of Tabasco Brand Pepper Habanero Hot Sauce. Heating up a little, but nothing unbearable. 1) NY/SFF We finish this list off with an absolute banger of a trade – including a familiar name. Yep, of the five trades made this offseason, three of them involved Jack Anjill – this is how Jack made his way across four separate teams in a single offseason. New York sends LBs CTRL ALT DELETE (178 TPE) and Taco Bell (199), as well as Jackson Fiala (276) and two S41 first round picks in exchange another two LBs in Jonas Ivanov (668 TPE, Y11) and Justa Backer (516 TPE, Y7), two RBs in Kyle Lowry (250) and the aforementioned Anjill, and two second round selections from San Francisco. New York tries to salvage last season’s dashed hopes with two excellent LBs who make them nearly as fearsome as their dominant team last season. Scovilles: 90,000 SHU, like Mad Dog Inferno Hot Sauce. Wonderfully spicy and probably a touch too much to handle for a good portion of the population, but still nothing revolutionary. Reasonable move for both teams. (Why are there little artifacts next to the eggplant and the pepper? I don't know, sorry.)

0-10 6-10 14-17 We will take a short break (I have to eat) and I will be back in 10 minutes or so

Out of Town Scores: 27-10 28-6 17-6

Good evening EFL fans, welcome to Seattle! It's finally time for season 39 to officially begin. Tonight, the New York Herd look to redeem themselves after a disappointing end to last year. They begin with a trip to Seattle to take on a Predators team hoping to compete in a crowded Western Conference. With a new season, comes optimism, hope, and blind faith that this is THE year. Everyone starts tied at 0-0 with 14 games to separate themselves from the rest. But enough talking, it's GAME TIME!!!!!

15:00 - First Quarter 15:00 Kickoff by Leonidas, K. deep into the endzone. Jones, J. kneels for a touchback. 15:00 1st and 10 LA - 20 Pass by Rider, R., complete to Jones, J. for 12 yds. Tackle by Bell, T.. Rider with the completion to his new #1 target Joshua Jones on the first play of the game! 14:29 1st and 10 LA - 32 Pass by Rider, R., complete to Hexadecimals, J. for 15 yds. Tackle by Farmar, X.. And then Rider finds the rookie Hexadecimals for a 15-yard gain! The Reign are near midfield already! 13:39 1st and 10 LA - 47 Pass by Rider, R., to Brown, B.. INTERCEPTION by Moon, K. at the SFF - 47 yard line and returned for 0 yards. But then Rider spreads the ball around too much! The veteran Moon jumps the short pass to Brown and forces an early turnover!

Hello everyone and welcome to Season 39 of the EFL! We have last year's champion San Francisco Frenzy at home for a preseason showdown against division rival Los Angeles. Both teams have drastically changed over the offseason, with San Francisco appearing to be sellers and Los Angeles appearing to be aggressive. Tonight we'll see familiar faces in unfamiliar places, offseason schemes that should have stayed dreams, and commentating bliss because Jets don't miss. San Francisco tied the toss, and an off-site referee ruled that they will now kick to start the game. There's the kick, and EFL Season 39 is officially underway!

WITH THE NINTH OVERALL PICK OF THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, LOS ANGELES SELECTS...

WITH THE EIGHTH OVERALL PICK IN THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, THE SEATTLE PREDATORS SELECT...

WITH THE FIFTH OVERALL PICK IN THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, NEW YORK SELECTS...

WITH THE FOURTH OVERALL PICK IN THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, LOS ANGELES SELECTS...

1. What are your goals for this season? --I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing. I just got here but hopefully I'll get a sense for things and enjoy this new league. 2. What are your goals for your player in general? --I love being a niche player. So I'll figure out what build is the rarest but still decent and go for that. 3. Who does your player look up to? --I'm gonna go with Owain Glyndwr. 4. Does your player have a favourite superhero? --Yes, he really likes Doorman. The of the great lakes avengers. 5. What's your player's car? --He drives a honda civic. 6. What attribute would you like to bring to the EFL? --I want to just be a calm pressence. 7. How has the New Year gone for you? --It goes, I don't pay to much attention to new years and have slept through it for the last few. 8. Are you looking for a award this season? --Not at all, I'm not looking for an award anytime soon. 9. Any early predictions for the season? --I don't know anything about this league yet but I'll say that the team that was the worst at defense last season will remain the worst this season. 10. Dogs or Cats? --Cats all the way. 11. Who is your favorite sports player? (NBA, NFL, etc.93) --Right now it's Jarred Vanderbilt. I love watching him play and the Jazz have been great as a secondary team to root for. 12. And lastly, Pizza: With or without pineapple? --Without, pineapple belongs no where near a pizza.

The Los Angeles Reign have signed Dalibor Dvorsky to a 3 year standard contract, paying $4,000,000 this season.

3:35 1st and 10 LA - 38 Pass by Everett, A., complete to Olaf, C. for 12 yds. Tackle by Wilson, B.. 2:40 1st and 10 LA - 26 Pass by Everett, A. to Wilinsky III, D. was dropped! Incomplete. 2:33 2nd and 10 LA - 26 Pass by Everett, A., complete to Lowry, K. for 7 yds. Tackle by Wilson, B.. 1:48 3rd and 3 LA - 19 Pass by Everett, A., to Wilinsky III, D.. INTERCEPTION by David, S. at the LA - 12 yard line and returned for 45 yards. oilmandan on oilmandan crime! Everett looks for Wilinsky III but David intercepts the pass and returns it 45 yards! 1:32 1st and 10 NY - 43 Pass by Rider, R., complete to Jones, J. for 10 yds. Tackle by Mac Suibhne, C.. 0:47 1st and 10 NY - 33 Pass by Rider, R., complete to DeMelton, A. for 4 yds. Tackle by Timmy, L.. 0:06 2nd and 6 NY - 29 Pass by Rider, R. to Brown, B. falls incomplete. 0:03 3rd and 6 NY - 29 Pass by Rider, R. to Forscythe, J. falls incomplete. The drive stalls shortly after, but Los Angeles is able to attempt the FG after the long return by David 15:00 - Second Quarter 15:00 4th and 6 NY - 29 46 yard FG by Lasagne, J. is good. And the kick by Lasagne is good! Los Angeles extends their leads to 7 in large part due to David interception 3 - 10

That will change soon 5peat for Athens szn

oh this sim early early

New York sends: LB CTRL ALT DELETE LB Taco Bell RB Jackson Fiala S41 1st round pick (NY) S41 1st round pick (LA) San Francisco sends: LB Jonas Ivanov @NotSoGood88 LB Justa Backer @Theory RB Kyle Lowry RB Jack Anjill S40 2nd round pick (SF) S41 2nd round pick (SF) @NotSoGood88 to accept

Out of Town Scores: 14-3 7-3 7-3

Respectfully Zimmerman is a bum. Got nothing on Shoey Ohtani

Hard D!

7:03 1st and 10 LA - 12 Pass by Rider, R., complete to BOT17, B. for 1 yds. Tackle by Green, J.. 6:31 2nd and 9 LA - 13 Pass by Rider, R. to Jones, J. was dropped! Incomplete. 6:24 3rd and 14 LA - 8 Reign Penalty on Jones, J.: Illegal Substitution 6:24 3rd and 14 LA - 8 Pass by Rider, R., complete to Brown, B. for 9 yds. Tackle by Moon, K.. 5:50 4th and 5 SFF - 17 Punt by Seale, B. of 45 yards. 5:50 Returned by Farmar, X. for 6 yards. A short drive for the Reign as they go 3 & out

Let's go Wraiths and Carnage!

Yeah! 5 Catches For 67 Yards and First TD in LA!

Skylar With TD. I've left SCW in good hands @kirbithan. @firstfray @GoodLeftUndone @Prince Bynum See y'all in SBA lmao

20 - 21 51 - 0 0 - 17 35 - 30

This ^ By which, I mean, you need to find a pace that produces enough TPE for you to perform, but does not stress you enough to burn you out. That pace is not the same for everyone.

We don’t have any words and we know you don’t want to hear them. We understand your anger, your frustration, your sadness. Everything you’re feeling – we get it. This isn’t the ending we imagined, and certainly not the one we wanted. Thank you for being there the entire way.

THE MINNESOTA FRONTIER HAVE TRADED THEIR PICK TO... THE NEW YORK HERD NEW YORK RECEIVES: S39 ROUND 2 PICK 11 MINNESOTA RECEIVES: WIDE RECEIVER NSIKAYESIZWE KOLISI @Nepto

WITH THE THIRD OVERALL PICK IN THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, WISCONSIN SELECTS...

WITH THE SECOND OVERALL PICK IN THE SEASON 39 EFL DRAFT, SAN FRANCISCO SELECTS...

THE SEATTLE PREDATORS HAVE TRADED THEIR PICK TO... THE SAN FRANCISCO FRENZY SAN FRANCISCO RECEIVES: S39 ROUND 1 PICK 2 S39 ROUND 2 PICK 10 SEATTLE RECEIVES: S39 ROUND 1 PICK 8 S40 SFF ROUND 1

Wow, that's out of left field. Thank you @Wheaties for the opportunity! Glad to be back in Miami!

The Los Angeles Reign have signed Judoma Forscythe to a 2 year standard contract, paying $5,000,000 this season.The final year of this deal will include a Player Option.