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ctots last won the day on March 18

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  1. Thanks dudes! Let’s have some fun with it!
  2. Lowell Roffell, starting quarterback of the Trenton Generals, joins us on Good Morning, Trenton today for an interview about his workout and fitness plan. For those of you watching over breakfast at home, you might be surprised to hear that what Lowell eats isn’t that far from your menu. Let’s join Chef Chunk in the studio kitchen, where he’s preparing breakfast for the young athlete. [The camera travels from the news desk over to the studio kitchen, which is as unrealistic as you’d imagine.] “So, Lowell, we hear that the Generals have a rigorous off-season training camp running. I have direct orders from the team’s coaching staff to prepare a specific breakfast for you. I’m told this is what you eat every morning, is that correct?” “Yeah, I think you’ve got the order right. It’s what I call a 4x4 - four eggs fried over medium, four sausage patties, four slices of whole wheat toast, and four cups of coffee. I’ve been eating pretty much the same thing for breakfast since high school. This was always something I ate regularly, obviously, but eventually it became a habitual meal for me. I’ve tried to change it up several times, but nothing can give me the sustained energy like this meal does.” “I’m sure many of our viewers at home are enjoying a similar breakfast today, although maybe a smaller version. What gave you the idea for this particular combination of morning classics?” “I’d be lying if I told you this was borne out of anything other than convenience. This started out as a pre-practice meal in high school. I’d pile all of this into a pair of sandwiches and throw a pot of coffee into a thermos to devour on the way to practice.” [Chef Chunk places a pair of egg and sausage sandwiches on the counter, the completed breakfast. Lowell picks up one of the sandwiches and takes a bite, nodding approvingly.] “There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, another satisfied customer. Chef Chunk has done it again. Let’s have a big round of applause for the Trenton Generals quarterback Lowell Roffell. Thanks for joining us today, Lowell. Next week: we will prepare yogurt parfaits for the local intramural dodgeball team!”
  3. Welcome to Thinky Rinky, where Rinky Runkman can ponder the greater questions of the league, life, and his own existence. It’s not easy for a rookie linebacker to stand out on the field. I don’t think that I’ve made a name for myself based on what happened on the field this season. What may have given me some credit with the coaches is the consistent improvement. I took the field in my first game feeling very much like a high school student playing against grown men. I didn’t have the strength and speed to keep up with the guys on the other side of the ball. I’ve been spending an absurd amount of time in the locker room and working during practice to put on muscle and drive my sprint speeds as high as I can. If the jump into the EFL is as difficult as the jump from high school ball to the ECFA, I still have a lot of work ahead of me in the coming season. I don’t want to be caught the same way again. The short postseason was a huge disappointment for not only myself but for the team as a whole. With the phenomenal season that Athens had, it was a punch in the gut for things to end the way that they did. All we can do at this point is regroup and continue to bring our best game to the field day in and day out. I 100% believe that the Carnage is the best team in the ECFA, we just have to get out on the gridiron and prove it to the rest of the league.
  4. Lowell Roffel speaks on his rookie season so far: "The season is almost over, and I feel like now might be the most appropriate time to reflect on what my rookie season has been like and what I might have to look forward to in the future. I showed up for tryouts on the last possible day, filled the paperwork out incorrectly (as a fullback instead of a quarterback, oh the humiliation), but luckily the coaches in Trenton saw my potential and allowed me to step in as the starting QB in week four. I owe my future career to those coaches, and I’m thrilled that I have been able to improve substantially as the season went. It’s undeniable that I’m playing better ball right now than I ever have in the past. The question is: how far can I go? Will I find a home in the EFL when the time is right, or will my rivals’ success outshine my efforts? In terms of competition, there are five quarterbacks in the ECFA that I have my eye on as true competitors: Michael Lunatia, Jack Anjill, Martin Isaac II, Amelia Michigan, and Lane Taggert. They say that if you want to be the best, you have to beat the best. I have my work cut out for me next season trying to hang with those players. The Generals are in an interesting position for the upcoming season, I’m excited to see what kind of noise we can make. With this being a tough season for the whole squad, I hope the team can rally and bring some underdog energy every game day. I’ll do everything I can as QB to maintain that attitude on and off the field."
  5. ctots

    Carnage colors

    I'm trying the thing where I let the name run over the frame but keep everything else inside. I dunno.
  6. Mascots are fun, and they’re a focal point of the identity of a team. They can be regional, historical, abstract, or sometimes even puns, but what we care about today is simply this: how strong are they? Note: these opinions are based entirely on me looking over the logos. #8 Manchester Lookout The crest is a lookout tower. Kind of intimidating in an Eye of Sauron way, but it’s just a stationary object at the end of the day. Not even a building with any defenses, it’s taller than it is wide, so it qualifies a class of building that engineers describe as “super knock over-able.” Even if you’re talking about the folks who are in the lookout tower spotting and silly business down on the ground below, they’re an entirely benevolent force. Just a cheerful crew of helpful outdoorsmen. #7 Death Valley Rangers The scariest thing about this team is their location. While not quite as mild as the lookout, we are still dealing with employees of the national park service, basically. Technically they might be law enforcement officers, but their jurisdiction is very limited. If I did crime in nature, I might rank the Rangers higher on my strength board, but as it stands now they’re firmly at seventh. #6 Trenton Generals I admit, since I play for Trenton I should probably know more about this mascot. Civil war era? Revolutionary war? Either way, the firepower is at least a century outdated. Still, we’re talking about military personnel here, so they’ve got some type of combat training. The Generals would rank much higher if they had access to the forces they command, but that doesn’t feel fair. #5 Biscayne Bay Pirates Things are heating up now, we’ve got pirates in the mix! Sitting near the middle of the pack we have these naughty naval nuisances. They’re scary and horrible, but only if you live near the ocean. Bigger, stronger mascots wait ahead. #4 Hades Creek Phalanx The Phalanx is a wedge-shaped battle formation of specially trained hand to hand combatants. 300 of these bad boys fought off the entire Persian army at Thermopylae. They don’t mess around. #3 Athens Carnage The only abstract concept on the list makes it all the way up to the third position. Carnage can sometimes mean chaos, but it’s more often used to represent physical destruction of some type. Natural disasters cause carnage. Strong, powerful language here. And they bring that energy every game? Tough. #2 Roswell Encounter Whatever alien that might be flying the saucer for this encounter probably also has a collection of tools and weapons that could rival any invention of humanity. They found us, after all, not the other way around. They know some things that we don’t. #1 Savage City Wraiths A mascot so scary that they’ve spawned entire genres of terrifying media, the Wraiths are the obvious winner of this weird and twisted ranking. Gather around a campfire and swap stories about this team, because they’re top tier scary. The strongest threat of all is the one that doesn’t even have a physical body. What a twist! If you disagree (and I’m sure you do), feel free to let me know where I went wrong. This was really fun to put together. I don’t mean any offense to any of the teams that didn’t rank highly, I’m sure you’re all great.
  7. Rinky Runkman won exactly zero academic awards during his four years of high school. In that same span of time, however, the young man won eighteen athletics awards and set several stats records for his team. In terms of physicals, Runkman has always been quite large relative to his classmates; by senior year he stood six feet three inches tall and weighed 240 pounds. Scouts have noted that Rinky appears to be a lean 240 and is mostly muscle. When asked for comment on this, Runkman offered two answers: “If my grandmother is telling the truth, then our family is descended from a nomadic tribe of Scandinavian giants. She’s as tall as I am and definitely stronger, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there is truth to that. I think the reality is that I put in a lot of work during the season, I do other sports in the off-season, and I don’t study as much as I should.” Rinky technically began his football career in the U6 division. A lifetime player, this young man has played both sides of the ball in just about any scheme you could imagine. His focus on defense showed early, and in middle school he was playing mostly in the linebacker and safety positions. By the start of his freshman year, Runkman was a known quantity to the coaching staff and immediately earned a starting position as a strong-side linebacker. Runkman established himself early as a menace, being especially keen to read the offense and get in just the right position to make a tackle or break a play. This combination of game sense and physicality garnered a lot of attention by coaches, and many teams resorted to uncommon asymmetrical offenses as a way to stifle this powerful linebacker. Perhaps highest among Runkman’s athletic achievements was one indirectly related to football: Rinky Runkman holds the division track and field record for the 40-yard dash with a time of 4.25 seconds. Collegiate sports have scouted Runkman heavily, but the young man insists that the EFL is his only path forward. We have a quote here from the young man himself: “I’ve had to consider a lot of possibilities for my future as an athlete in the last year or so. For my skill set, the only option that makes sense is trying to move into professional football. A little more development time and I believe I’ll be ready to compete beside the top talents of the EFL.”
  8. Accept! Let’s make this official, Rinky Runkman is going to Athens!
  9. Lowell Roffel went to a relatively unknown high school on the north shore of Lake Ontario. In a town that was focused on hockey, the football program was left to suffer. Lowell was the sole bright spot on an otherwise abysmal team. Joining the squad as a true freshman, Roffel was able to secure a starting position immediately thanks to his incredibly quick feet. With a roster that struggled in general, the team found themselves relying on Roffel to get the ball down the field by any means necessary: he played his first season as a running back, but was moved to wide receiver and tight end throughout his sophomore year before settling in as the team's fullback for the final two years of his tenure with the team. Teammates pointed to Lowell as the driving force behind the team's motivation and energy - his enthusiasm for the game was infectious enough to generate more passion in his teammates, who consistently rose in their conference standings while Roffel was on the roster. By the time Lowell was in his junior year, the Lakeshore Lions had become competitive in their conference. While they qualified for the postseason, they would fall short in the state semifinal. The young man was fully 6’3” and 230 pounds at the start of his senior year and continued to bulk up throughout the season. At this point, Lowell was starting to be scouted by junior teams who have ties to football organizations in Canada, the US, and worldwide. With this in mind, the Lakeshore coaching staff was sure to turn Roffel's senior season into a showcase of his abilities. Lowell Roffel's high school career came to a close on a nearly undefeated season where the team's only loss came in the championship final. Roffel set numerous school records during his tenure with the Lakeshore Lions, and was instrumental in bringing vitality to the sport of football in his local community. Lakeshore has a renewed passion for the sport, and the team is seeing success as a result, even without Roffel on the roster. 0 The Lion's head coach, Dice Dapples, offered the following quote: "We all knew that Lowell would be special from the first practice he attended as an incoming freshman. He's got a lot of raw talent, but more than that, he's got the work ethic to capitalize on that natural ability to become a superstar. It was always amazing watching Lowell on the field, and I suspect he'll be a thrill to fans wherever he plays."
  10. Welcome to the EFL ctots! Let us know if you need any help getting started.




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