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PigSnout

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  1. @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Special+Elite&display=swap'); @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Cedarville+Cursive&display=swap'); Dear Reader, For any readers who are interested in gaining a deeper understanding of Count Olaf's motivations for playing in the EFL, he recently responded to a series of questions in a press conference. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Lemony Snicket
  2. Count Olaf has sent in his answers to these questions. 1. You get to pick the song your team walks onto the field to. What is it? Count Olaf would have to pick It's The Count, since that is the only song that can properly introduce him. 2. You've made a huge play for your team. How do you celebrate? Count Olaf would celebrate by handing a bribe payment to the referee, as he probably didn't make that big play through legitimate means. 3. Does your player wear a visor? Count Olaf wears a visor because it obscures his appearance by hiding his one long eyebrow and makes it harder for law enforcement officials to recognize him. 4. Who is your player's inspiration? Some of Count Olaf's biggest NFL role models are O.J. Simpson and Aaron Hernandez. 5. What NFL team would you NOT want to play for? Count Olaf has heard that there is an NFL team called the Saints. He does not want to play for them as he does not think they would share the same values as him. Though he would be willing to reconsider that stance for a large enough paycheck. 6. Does you player have any pets? While not officially considered pets, Count Olaf does have several rats living in his house. He also once owned a pack of malnourished lions during his time working as a carnival ringmaster. 7. Does your player have a #1 fan? Count Olaf is his own biggest fan as nobody else appreciates his greatness as much as himself. However, he has also received several positive endorsements from Esmé Squalor, the City's sixth most important financial advisor. 8. What's the craziest thing your player has heard a fan say? One crazy fan once suggested that Count Olaf is the same villainous Count Olaf who has been described in the newspapers and is wanted for numerous crimes. Luckily he was able to clarify that the other Count Olaf is a totally different person who happens to coincidentally share the same name and all of the same physical characteristics. 9. Your player is named as the MVP, how do they celebrate? Count Olaf would probably celebrate by burning down an orphanage. 10. Did anyone encourage your player to play football? The emptiness in his wallet encouraged Count Olaf to play football once he found out how much money football players get paid. 11. What's your player's favorite TV show? Count Olaf's favorite show is A Series of Unfortunate Events. It tells the story of a handsome and talented actor named Count Olaf who is tormented by three greedy orphans who refuse to share their fortune with him even in spite of his many attempts to murder them and their loved ones. 12. What hobby does your player have? Several of Count Olaf's hobbies include acting, wearing disguises, arson, murder, kidnapping, child endangerment, and theft.
  3. +3 (Question of the Week) +3 (Player Brand)
  4. @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Special+Elite&display=swap'); @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Cedarville+Cursive&display=swap'); Dear Reader, I have received several letters from curious readers wondering about why a certain unhelpful banker named Arthur Poe has started playing in the ECFA. I responded back to these readers begging them to stop reading my work and to find something more pleasant to read instead. But they have ignored my advice and continued sending me letters, so I have decided to put the speculation to rest. I will include an article down below that was recently published in the Daily Punctilio. The Daily Punctilio is a newspaper that is known for publishing many inaccurate articles and struggling to get basic facts correct. But I feel that they are better equipped than me to explain Mr. Poe's train of thought. ----- Local Banker Takes Up a Career of Football Readers of the Daily Punctilio may recognize the name Arthur Poe. Mr. Poe was a very competent banker who helped manage the case of the Baudelaire Orphans (now know as the Baudelaire Murderers after their murder of Count Omar). Now Poe is taking up a second career as a football player and it turns out this may actually be linked to the Baudelaire case. We have taken a statement from him about his reasons for joining the ECFA: "I have been hearing disturbing rumors that Count Olaf may actually be alive and playing football in the EFL. I believe these rumors to be incorrect as I was personally able to identify Count Olaf's dead body in the Village of Fowl Devotees after the Baudelaires were accused of murdering him. I also personally interviewed the EFL player named Count Olaf during his rookie season and was able to conclusively determine that he is a totally different person who simply happens to share the same name and physical appearance. However my supervisor at the bank recently brought up a disturbing possibility. What if the football player named Count Olaf lied to me? What if he is the same Count Olaf as the notorious villain? But this outcome made little sense to me. I am very skilled at detecting when people are lying to me and I do not think even a notorious villain like Count Olaf would be able to fool me. However, my supervisor is still mad at me for the times that Count Olaf managed to escape from my detection before and has insisted that I look in to the matter further. But there was a bigger issue with this theory. Count Olaf is dead. I identified his body myself and the Baudelaires are on the run for murdering him. However, I did some further research and stumbled upon a shocking revelation. A man named Lemony Snicket is also playing in the EFL. This is the same name as the author whose death was previously reported by the Daily Punctilio. This is very peculiar if two supposedly dead men are playing in the same football league. And this brought me to my new theory: is the EFL bringing people back from the dead to play football? This would mean that this league has developed the technology to revive people from death, which would be a major scientific breakthrough. If I was able to find this technology, I would be considered a hero and it might even get me a promotion at the bank. So for the time being, I have decided to push aside some of my work helping orphans at the bank in order to focus on the more important priority of investigating these rumors by launching a football career of my own so that I will be able to enter the EFL and take a closer look. Most likely I will determine that these rumors are false and that this is a totally different Count Olaf as I expected, but it is also possible that I could be the one who helps find a cure for death." These are inspiring words from such a prominent banker. We wish Mr. Poe well on his quest to play football and hopefully find a way to bring people back from the dead. Though we should mention that the Daily Punctilio previously reported that the notorious villain who has died was actually named Count Omar, so we have no reason to believe that he has any connection to the football player named Count Olaf. Nonetheless, we wish Poe success in his football career. He is off to a strong start with a performance of 1696 rushing yards and 15 rushing touchdowns on a 13-1 Roswell Encounter team in his freshman season in the ECFA. Arthur Poe will certainly be an interesting player to keep an eye on in the coming seasons. ----- For any readers who did not want to subject themselves to reading an article from the Daily Punctilio, I can summarize the basic message is that Mr. Poe is misguided and is unlikely to do anything useful in helping to bring about the arrest of Count Olaf. Mr. Poe means well, but a jar of mustard probably also means well and would probably do a better job of helping us to bring Count Olaf to justice. I will continue my own mission, but am continuing to make a frustrating lack of progress despite now playing on the same team as Count Olaf. And as for the readers in the audience, I can only hope that you will do your part by choosing to read a happier Player Brand next time instead. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Lemony Snicket
  5. I would say my favorite moment in the EFL was winning Gavin Rose's first championship in Season 19. Given that he was starting regression and there were a couple of young teams on the rise in the Eastern Conference, I had the feeling that his window was closing and that he might not be able win a championship in his career if he didn't get it done that year. Even though he would be able to play long enough to win more championships later in his career, at the time I had thought it might have been his last chance so it was really exciting to win that one. And Rose was probably the player of mine that I felt most invested in, so it felt very meaningful for him to get his first championship.
  6. Great win for the Herd to start the season, the passing attack is looking dominant!
  7. Tough loss for the Encounter, hopefully better results in the regular season!
  8. Nice win by the Herd to start things off strong in the preseason!
  9. A feature that the EFL used to have that was pretty fun was fantasy football drafts. Instead of just having everyone submit their own team for fantasy, users who wanted to participate would be placed in groups and would have a draft to pick players to create a fantasy team (here is an example of what this looked like). This was a fun way to create more engagement between seasons since you had a reason to keep checking in to the forum during the offseason to see how your group's draft was going and to make your picks. It also created a reason to stay engaged during the offseason to stay up to date on player movement to help you decide on which players could be good fantasy targets. It also set the stage for some interesting offseason media content about fantasy rankings or draft strategies. It would probably be hard to get this going again since it does require a higher level of effort to coordinate all the groups and drafts and calculate all the scores, but it could be a cool feature to see reimplemented.
  10. That's the end of the Season 36 EFL Western Conference Championship Game. Congrats to the Predators on the win and best of luck to them in the EFL Championship Game! Congrats as well to the Frontier on having a great season and making it this far, even though they didn't get the result they wanted in the end. Check back tonight to watch the Eastern Conference Championship Game to see who the Predators will face in Friday's EFL Championship Game. Thanks for attending and have a good night!
  11. 2:38 1st and 10 MIN - 20 Rush by Empire II, E. for 6 yds. Tackle by Domino, F.. 2:03 2nd and 4 MIN - 26 Lunatia spikes the ball to stop the clock 2:03 3rd and 4 MIN - 26 Pass by Lunatia, M. to Gilbert, D. falls incomplete. The Frontier face 4th down and they have no choice at this point but to leave the offense out on the field and go for it.
  12. 4:14 --- SEA - 47 Onsides Kickoff by Lions, M. of 20 yards. Returned by Blade, B. for -3 yards. 4:07 1st and 10 SEA - 47 Marteau, T. SACKED by Rayz Funk Jr - SS for -7 yds. 3:27 2nd and 17 SEA - 40 Pass by Marteau, T. to Big, M. is incomplete. Broken up by Colt, B.. 3:20 3rd and 17 SEA - 40 Pass by Marteau, T., complete to Big, M. for 9 yds. Tackle by Newsome III, S.. 2:42 4th and 8 MIN - 49 Punt by Willicams, K. of 51 yards. Touchback. The Predators don't recover after a 1st down sack and they punt the ball away as time is dwindling down. Q4 31 2:42 10
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